Ten Terrible Trends from last year: too painful to repeat

27 comments:
Since we are now fully into the year 2011, 
I felt I should remind myself of the many things I will not repeat


 It is my sincere hope that these ten trends
 (highlighted in bold)
 will go away 
and forever be forgotten.....




Now lets get to the bottom of this situation...shall we!

Why must we continue to believe,
falsely,
 I might add,
that we can/must squeeze our bodies into
low-rise skinny jeans?

and that we actually look good...
hello...
GET A MiRROR

 Every where I look I see this...
even at my house

The top may be the best part of the muffin....
but enough already!

And if the jeans are not bad enough
 I'm supposed to pair them with a 
giant chunky platform pump 

with an 8 inch heel

I don't want to be 6'2"  

Just the thought of wearing these makes my ankles hurt...
I can feel the sprain already!

And if I were smart enough to actually look in the mirror 
while wearing this outfit.... 

I would cry 
like Tammy Faye

And my false eyelashes would fall off....
hopefully!

Smart cars....no please don't make me this smart...I'm stupid
These look like they should be called
 Stupid Cars...

Where is the other half of this car?

I like running over curbs with my right rear tire... 
and filling my gas tank 3 times a week 
and you only get to have one friend with you on a road trip to Vegas.


Who wants to do that?

Go to Vegas in a Smart Car?
No way baby!

Now here's a good one...

Foam as food
or
Molecular Gastronomy

If I wanted foam for dinner I would buy a can of Reddi Whip
and spray it in my mouth 
And did I mention that foamy food is expensive...
yea it is,
really expensive!

And while I'm not eating foam... 

I will also not be drinking a 
Carnivore Cocktail
I love bacon.....but with eggs and hash browns 
and maybe some pancakes

Not in my martini....

Although having looked at this photo for a few minutes it looks surprisingly good
in a strange

sort of "bacon-y" way.  

And let's not forget this scary trend called:

The
Hollywood Lip Job
Oh dear Lord....no
please make them stop! 

Are they auditioning for the next Batman movie?

Are they twins?

I just don't know what to make of this weirdness.


And here is one trend I know I will never embrace

the Reverse French Manicure
because:

a.  I never seem to find the time for a manicure

&

b.  I really don't like the idea of my nails looking like candy corn



OK....on to pets:

And let me just say this...
I love my dog Millie....

but I would never do this...
no more dresses on dogs
pleeeeeessseeee

and last but not least: 

Chain Texting

this is defined as a person that cannot stop texting...
like being a chain smoker


we know them well....

Being around the "chain texter" is basically like being invisible.

They cannot stop looking at their blackberry 
or phone for any length of time....


even to eat a hamburger or go to the bathroom.


Sometimes this is refered to as 
obsessive texting disorder


And it needs to stop...now! 
Before we loose any more of our teen aged children to this disease!


And so there you have it....the worst of it in 2010

I know this has been painful but
 sometimes we just need to 
text it 
out of our systems...

WTF

OMG

LOL

CU

K




27 comments:
  1. Very Very true, I have totally got the skinny low rise jean thing out of my list of wants... Not and I don't text..not a smoker yeah! and my pup no clothes.

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  2. You crack me up! I have a friend that is a serial texter and it is just plain rude when you are out with someone and they are constantly checking their phone. Huge peeve of mine. It really is like being invisible. Great post!

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  3. Amen....my own personal phrase of the year is
    "Too bad people driving the Smart Car look so stupid"....sorry no offense meant to anyone driving one. My own sister in law drives one...wait...yeah....exactly!

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  4. That needs to make David Letterman's top 10!!! Great idea, you are too funny!

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  5. I am LMAO! (there...I used text speak!) These are definitely things I don't want to see anymore...
    My own sons have a difficult time refusing to look at their "smart" phones. One is just tons of messages and ongoing games, the other is business...WHICH CAN WAIT WHILE YOU EAT DINNER!!!

    And no self-respecting driver would even attempt to drive a Snart Car on US 19...oh wait...there goes one. Hope he makes it...
    Jane (artfully graced)

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  6. So funny! It's incredibly scary how much Meg Ryan and Leslie Ash look alike! Wait, I have no idea who Leslie Ash is anyway. But, seriously scary smiles! I wish the skunk hairdo's that seem to be popular here in SoCal would go bye bye also. Just saying.

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  7. hi kelley,

    i agree with all of these and there are prob 20 more to add to it. my pet peeves are many but how about fake boobs, overly tanned skin, women dressing like their daughters, these are all v obvious and still very funny that people embrace them. what is up with meg ryan? she used to be so pretty and now, well no.

    your last post on the condo, omg. you are the queen of color my friend. so gorgeously gorgeous.

    xo
    juanita

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  8. Oh Kelley! I was laughing all the way through your post today! hahaha! I soooo agree with you on every...single....thing!!!! :)

    xoxo laurie

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  9. BIG injection lips make me laugh... why does anybody think this looks pretty??

    And I can't stand being around the "crackberry" texters !

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  10. Good list, I wonder what we'll be regretting about 2011!
    Sharon

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  11. Hahaha! Great list! Although, I do love my skyhigh heels. And I agree with the gardeners cottage - overly tanned skin is gross and should be so over. I think the crackberry is a serious addiction. We've taken to making our 14yo deposit his phone on the kitchen counter in exchange for his dinner plate. It's the only way we could have dinner without the incessant texting.

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  12. reading this 1/2 awake (or 1/2 asleep) and LOVE it...then i get to the bottom and then i think, "omg, Kelley and I were either twins separated at birth or have some mental telepathy capabilities"!! why? b/c just last nt I was thinking it would be fun to do a post about all the slang terms/abbreviations of texting..(i only do it in a safe place promise, and i'm not addicted but it comes in handy w/my kids)......but Luke laughs at how I can do it so easily & i know all the lingo...i just do b/c of my older kids!
    I STRONGLY ABIDE BY THE NO TEXTING WHILE DRIVING, but also at the table, etc..

    PLEASE read this link, if you're not familiar with it and spread the word:

    http://www.rememberalexbrownfoundation.org/


    But seriously i had JUST thought of writing SOME kind of post about "LOL, OMG, WTF, etc." and then i wake up and see this, hysterical!!
    Great minds think alike? Kindred spirits? Mental Telepathy? Wild!!!

    I'm with you 100% on all the list though, you hit the nail on the head girl!

    your posts are always a treat Kelley!
    xoxoxo

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  13. This was a great post! I agree the reverse French manicure was ridiculous!!
    xx-Gina

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  14. LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY!! Seriously almost choked on my coffee at work laughing! (oops did I say I was reading this at work? I meant at home - really.)

    Agree on everything!!
    My husband and I actually checked out and sat in a smart car at some home show or another. IF you lived Boston's North end AND you never left the city AND wanted to park in tiny spots (oh and never have more than 1 passenger or 1 bag) - maybe. But I saw an 18-wheeler blow by one on the highway and it almost toppled over. NO THANKS!! And what about the snow? the snow here in Boston is actually higher than this car right now? oh maybe you winter it in your living room?

    (going to gas up my 4WD Ford Explorer now!)

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  15. Oh, my gosh, you made me laugh!! I thought I might be the only one who hates Smart Cars! You know what's really stupid about them? The mileage isn't all that great!

    Reverse french manicure! Who's brain child was that??

    Thanks for the laugh!

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  16. What a happy way to start off the morning! Your sense of humor is great!

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  17. You just made my morning! Agree with you on every single one!!

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  18. I love this post! So funny and so true! I couldn't agree more about the texting one!

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  19. I'm so glad we all agree!

    I would suspect of the things many will want to see go away next year is the chain blogger!

    I know..I know

    But so many out there love to hate us!

    We like us though...don't we!

    xo kelley

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  20. LMAO! But there is no way I'm giving up my 8" cork pumps Kelley! NO WAY JOSE!

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  21. Amen X 100 to all!! And when will pants worn at the knees be a thing of the past??? I can't believe that one's still thriving.

    Great post!!
    xo J~

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  22. I am laughing so hard I am going to fall off my chair! HILARIOUS! Especially the muffin top! Good Lord! I see that all the time! I am totally dying over here...you made my day..BTW.:) Caroline

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  23. Kelley - you're telling me I have to get rid of my muffin top skinny jeans AND my platform pumps??!!?? Oh what am I going to do. Poor Meg Ryan - what happened?

    xo
    Melissa

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