Ten Terrible Trends from last year: too painful to repeat

Since we are now fully into the year 2011, 

I felt I should remind myself of the many things I will not repeat

 It is my sincere hope that these ten trends

 (highlighted in bold)

 will go away 

and forever be forgotten.....

Now lets get to the bottom of this situation...shall we!

Why must we continue to believe,
falsely,
 I might add,

that we can/must squeeze our bodies into

low-rise skinny jeans?

and that we actually look good...
hello...
GET A MiRROR

 Every where I look I see this...
even at my house

The top may be the best part of the muffin....
but enough already!

And if the jeans are not bad enough

 I'm supposed to pair them with a 

giant chunky platform pump 

with an 8 inch heel

I don't want to be 6'2"  

Just the thought of wearing these makes my ankles hurt...

I can feel the sprain already!

And if I were smart enough to actually look in the mirror 

while wearing this outfit.... 

I would cry 

like Tammy Faye

And my false eyelashes would fall off....
hopefully!

Smart cars....no please don't make me this smart...I'm stupid

These look like they should be called
 Stupid Cars...

Where is the other half of this car?

I like running over curbs with my right rear tire... 

and filling my gas tank 3 times a week 

and you only get to have one friend with you on a road trip to Vegas.

Who wants to do that?

Go to Vegas in a Smart Car?

No way baby!

Now here's a good one...

Foam as food

or
Molecular Gastronomy

If I wanted foam for dinner I would buy a can of Reddi Whip
and spray it in my mouth 

And did I mention that foamy food is expensive...
yea it is,

really expensive!

And while I'm not eating foam... 

I will also not be drinking a 

Carnivore Cocktail

I love bacon.....but with eggs and hash browns 

and maybe some pancakes

Not in my martini....

Although having looked at this photo for a few minutes it looks surprisingly good

in a strange

sort of "bacon-y" way.  

And let's not forget this scary trend called:

The
Hollywood Lip Job

Oh dear Lord....no

please make them stop! 

Are they auditioning for the next Batman movie?

Are they twins?

I just don't know what to make of this weirdness.

And here is one trend I know I will never embrace

the Reverse French Manicure

because:

a.  I never seem to find the time for a manicure

&

b.  I really don't like the idea of my nails looking like candy corn

OK....on to pets:

And let me just say this...

I love my dog Millie....

but I would never do this...

no more dresses on dogs

pleeeeeessseeee

and last but not least: 

Chain Texting

this is defined as a person that cannot stop texting...

like being a chain smoker

we know them well....

Being around the "chain texter" is basically like being invisible.

They cannot stop looking at their blackberry 

or phone for any length of time....

even to eat a hamburger or go to the bathroom.

Sometimes this is refered to as 

obsessive texting disorder

And it needs to stop...now! 

Before we loose any more of our teen aged children to this disease!

And so there you have it....the worst of it in 2010

I know this has been painful but

 sometimes we just need to 

text it 

out of our systems...

WTF

OMG

LOL

CU

K