Dear President's about your coffee table


Dear President Obama,  can we talk?  
First things first...I'm a bit nervous, as the last letter I wrote to a President was to
John F Kennedy... when I was in kindergarten....
This is a picture of my house when I was 5...nice car huh?
 It's a chevy...
we used to say "" to the guy at the gas station and he would actually put the gas in it for us...

and here's my picture with my stupid geeky brothers..oops sorry it's upside down...

OK OK so I'm not a good pen pal...what ever

...but now that you're "the guy"

the Chief dude, the Pres, the Head Gardener, the Mr Michelle...
I think we need to talk...

It's about your coffee table

Who picked that?

Couches...not all that bad, might be nice for a quick nap...don't let Michelle catch you...Ha Ha

but the coffee "B" man it is all wrong

And to make matters worse

The Fruit

Why fruit?

George W had fruit too.... but he is so yesterday....or is it last year..ok well you know what I mean

And is the fruit real...I hope so...because you never know if somebody is really hungry...

.... like don't you remember that episode of I love Lucy where she and Ricky go to the bosses house for dinner and she's starving...and she eats a plastic apple...
and then Ricky gets really mad and puts her on a schedule..I loved that one...
but my favorite is the one where her nose catches on fire when she lights a cigarette...
remember that one... too hysterical
Ok any way back to the coffee table
So here's what I'm thinking....since the office is oval...

how about an oval coffee table....!!!!

I know right,  that is just so legit...

so like I said that to Michael...or Mister I like to call him..but you know how decorators can be....
Sooooo I'm including some ideas for you to think about in this letter..
here's one...
I like this one because you could like hide your magazines and stuff in that little secret space on the like when someone important walks maybe that guy from just stash the Sport Illustrated in there really quick...
oh and those little stools pull out so if you have like an extra guy just drop that one weirdo from Korea, you can have an extra seat...neat!

Ok well how about this one

Really sporty and slick looking...
too much?...yea I guess you're right..
....people might think you're a bachelor and like want to marry Oprah or something...
ok well then how about this one
This one has fruit and

This would work because when people get bored talking about the economy and global warming they can stare at the fish...and you could even like keep fish food on the table for people to feed them...really cool
and you could have Sasha and Malia feed them too and they could like get an allowance or something
so any way.... just a quick note
I've enclosed my business card so you can get in touch

love Kelley
p.s. I think Rahm Emmanuel is cute
  1. Kelly-You and I could not stand to be in the same room together....we would have way too much fun because I can see that you have the same wicked (sarcastic-did I say that) sense of humor that you have! Way to go to kick a little decorating butt! Diana

  2. here is the exact quote I commented yesterday at cote de texas
    you MUST read her take on it!!

    "okay, here goes ...
    hands down the Scalamandre is good.
    the new floor covering ... check
    the updated lamps ... icky .. looks like "home goods"
    Bush coffee table completely out of scale, legs look like match sticks

    I love the creamy white-ness of the before sofas, rich!

    pardon me being just a little freelance designer from the Midwest, but is anyone else thinking the coffee tables, both of them ... look dwarfed ...why not an oversized oval or round mirroring the shape of the room ... keeping with the American walnut of course ... both choices seem REALLY under sized and the rectangle really fights the round room ... help me out here, Joni

    my eye can hardly stand looking at either.
    am I being too critical...
    You'd think, using MS, if they did ... this room would WOW us ... it certainly looks ho-hum to my eye"

    September 2, 2010 8:17 AM

  3. FYi: this post was sent to Mr Obama...maybe he will call...I could use the work...kelley

  4. Can I hire you to be my post writer? I mean if the President can have speech writers, certainly I could hire you to humor things up for my blog!

    LOVED this post... all the pictures and commentary were HYSTERICAL!

    I too hate that coffee table... do you remember the Seinfeld episode... "Why do they call it Ovaltine, it's not oval??" Your suggestion of the oval coffee table in the oval office reminded me of that...

    Moving on..

    I don't like the rug either! I think GWB's rug was much richer and worked really well with the wood floor...

    Oh well.. what do I know?

  5. This is so funny! Thanks for the laugh of the day! What is the texture / print of the coffee table ? It looks like newspaper articles that are modge podged ..... ~ Christie

  6. Yes Christie...I agree and maybe it is modge podge! How cool would that be..wonder which articles they used? hmmmm? kel

  7. Thought you knew, the President is an apple fiend and they all eat apples throughout the day especially when they are in the Oval Office.

  8. Girl, you crack me up! I hope Obama calls for your decorating advise. xo, Sherry

  9. i vote for the oval fishtank. that's my fav. and rahm is hot.


  10. Janet I soo agree, he is smokin....but lets move along with the product development be food...can't get that from the husband can catch some...maybe...well no, lets not expect anything really amazing here...all righty then tank it is...k

  11. I don't know if you are really SERIOUS or not about sending it to Obama but if so, too many "likes" for my taste. I'm afraid he might think it is a joke, which clearly it is not because the table is hideous! I hope he responds to you for all of us to see. Maybe they are being really eco-friendly and have recycled something!

  12. Hi Teri...I absolutely 100 % double crossies sent Mr Obama this psot...and yes.... it is my attempt, to find a bit of humor in the every day things we seem to take a bit too seriously.

    I think he would most likely chuckle if he got to read it...lets hope...kelley

  13. I ment to say post...what the...kelley you are such a bad spellr

  14. Totally cracking up!!! I vote for the FRUIT & FISH!
    Puleease let us know if he gets back to you and which one he picks...btw-looked kind of like a hotel lobby to me...just sayin. ;)

    (they could have Modge Podged apple images...that might have been cool)

  15. I just found your blog and I gotta say, I have great timing. HILARIOUS!
    I think maybe I saw that coffee table in the '70's. It was plastic and they put contact paper over it. I do think I have a table that I pulled from the neighborhood "big trash day" that I could paint and send to him that would be an improvement. That's about as "green" as it gets, isn't it?

  16. this is too funny. hey - I think Rahm is sooo cute too! and a ballet dancer to boot.

  17. hilarious....
    ok, i definitely vote for the fish tank.....

    i saw Joni's blog the other day and that table stuck out like a sore thumb....
    the WHOLE office needs another update!

  18. I didn't know Rahm was a dancer...did you?...I like him even more now! Thanks for the inspiration Joni

    I think your right Jeanette!

    Hi Denise, Green is good!


  19. Yes, yes, yes! You've said everything I wanted to but couldn't. The beige-ness of it all is SO BORING. I mean, this is the office where life altering decisions are made for goodness' sake!
    This entire room would put me to sleep in ten minutes flat. The sofas are AWFUL! The coffee table DEFIES description. The desk is UGGO! I mean, I love President Obama, but I can't imagine whose taste ran amok in this office. You think it's Michelle's?

  20. Looks like it belongs in a fraternity basement! I love parts of the remodel but the coffee table is not one of them. Also--the mantel. I think this is the same as the Bush administration and it STILL looks bad--the greenery needs to go! Fun post!

  21. You're right. That coffee table has GOT to go! Ugly as a whipping stick. I like your sense of humor. A Lucy fan I am myself. They don't make them like her anymore. Hope he sends for you with a chauffeur and everything and sets you loose in a thrift store for some furniture fit for a prez.

  22. LOL! What a hilariously funny post today, Kelley! LOL! Oh my gosh!! I SOOOO agree with everything everyone said. I think the dear Mr. Obama should have checked with any one of us dedicated bloggerettes for our opinions on that now-uninspired looking room. Love the desk because it IS vintage and well worth keeping. But good grief! It's an historical room! Let's give it some historicalness! Let's give it some warmth! Let's throw those mantel bushes out the window! Ok, I'm sending a letter to Mr. Obama right now. "Dear Mr.Obama, Please call Kelley ASAP......"

    xoxo laurie@heavens-walk

  23. Here it comes!!!!! Penelope Bianchi.......puffed up from a lovely spread of my very own house in House Beautiful!!!!!! YIKES!!!!!!!! 40 years as a very own house I designed from a vacant lot! So! Maybe I am a bit " overconfident"???

    I love that oval office. It is calm . it is understated. It is classic. It will last. It is exactly what we need. Thank you; Michael. Brilliant and Bravo!


    I think the decorators (I am a can call yourselves designers if you want to) who are criticizing it sound like a bunch of harpies!!

    Have any of you even been IN an oval room? I was lucky enough as a child to have grown up in an oval dining room. It is a fascinating thing,
    The dumbest thing in the world would be to put an oval coffee table. And the glass top coffee table is the most repulsive thing ever.

    Thank God for Michael Smith. He has designed a lovely, calm, elegant and timeless space for our President to do what he will do. And that is save our country. Thank You, Michael Smith.

    I continue to admire your work.

    Penelope Bianchi

    aka "Penny" in Santa Barbara!

  24. Penny, I hope you realize that my suggestions were supposed to be funny.
    But I don't like the coffee table...just my humble opinion..nothing more.

    And I continue to enjoy Michael Smith's work very much as well.


  25. OMG, I almost peed my pants laughing!!!


  26. Love it ! It had to be say, that damn table is all wrong! They need Nate Berkus..STAT! I am your newest follower. Hope you can stop by and follow back!

  27. I love a good "harpie"....but that's just me! I grew up in a round rubber should have seen the table I had! Yeah..I'm anonymous this time...

  28. I don't want to sound like a real dummy here...but wht is a "harpie"? I'm assuming it's not a good thing. Kelley : )

  29. Okay you had me cracking up with this is hysterical!!!! Crossing my fingers that the President calls you soon :o)

  30. Ah, well, it seems I'm the only person on the planet who actually liked that coffee table. After Georgie Bush's bad hotel tables, I thought this was a huge improvement.

    And yes, Rahm is cute. But I wouldn't want to make him mad!

    Great blog, by the way!!

  31. A harpie is a person that continually (and/or constantly) complains about anything and everything. I find that those that complain about other "harpies" are usually worse than the ones they are complaining about!

  32. Anon: thank you...I feel much better now because I really don't complain all that much, but I've been called worse...and here is the real issue Michael Smith has not yet taken credit for this room!

    Hi Pam: I think we need a closer look, it might just be amazing!

    Hi Des...I will let you know, but I seriously doubt it, nobody ever calls for my honest opinion...just for money

    Hi Mom: I agree, Nate would have been a wonderful choice.

    Hi Sue...quick go...

    I just loved every body who commented...even Penny for Santa Barbara!

    Thanks for hanging out for a few minutes...SWAK kel

  33. GREAT!!! post - laughing my butt off! I liked everybody's comments too! good or bad. but I have to say for my self - that I can hardly see the coffee table among the coma-inducing sea of beige! If not for the one beacon of actual color in the form of the apples... I am all for neutrals but let's get a feeling of quality and richness in there and how about some contrast?
    Ironically I think it was CBS Sunday Morning - just did a whole tongue-in-cheek thing on that very room. I am going to find it online and send it!

  34. LOVED your post! I also hope the fruit is real! This is the White House. As a designer, my question is: What's up with those "bushes" on the mantel? What is that? It reminds me of the ivy hanging on the ledges in a kitchen or on an armoire in a den. Yuck! Michael really! Is that all his budget allowed? must've spent it all on the new coffee table.

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